I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
