I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
