hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
