Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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