you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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