i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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