So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
