would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
