Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
