Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Send help, water and tortillas.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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