I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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