our cab driver is having phone sex.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
