And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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