I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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