I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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