my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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