when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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