I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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