you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
