i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
