I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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