Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
