I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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