im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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