Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
