dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
