I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
