i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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