I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
