so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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