either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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