Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
