Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
