Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
