Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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