Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
