Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
