Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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