Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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