saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
