Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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