in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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