We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
