I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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