saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
