Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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