I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
