I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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