it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
