I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
